


More Than a Lifetime's Worth

by Lance_Corpal_Levi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, College Student Eren Yeager, College Student Levi, Death, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, I'm Sorry About The Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Sooo Much Angst, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:29:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1656596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lance_Corpal_Levi/pseuds/Lance_Corpal_Levi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has these dreams where he sees giants roaming around devouring people, hearing the screaming of dying soldiers, but he has no idea why he is having these dreams. These dreams had left him alone for at least six years, but as soon as he runs into familiar faces and bright Caribbean eyes in his art classes, the dreams become frequent again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Death is something that no one can avoid. Life goes on, each passing day; death does come closer and closer, till it finally catches us all in its icy cold grip. Some of us grant this fate to those around us almost prematurely, but others think its part of the grand master plan all along. All that I really know is that I can be pretty sure in a past life, I lead many of hundreds to their deaths earlier than intended, I see them every night and wish I could just ignore the guilt and pain it puts me through.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the place where dreams turn into nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ This is going to be my 1st ever reincarnation fic. I really hope you all enjoy~ 
> 
> A little background is that Levi does not remember the past, only in dreams and it is really messing with him, but I haven't yet decided if any one is going to remember the past yet~ 
> 
> Please let me know what you all think~

Death is something that no one can avoid. Life goes on, each passing day; death does come closer and closer, till it finally catches us all in its icy cold grip. Some of us grant this fate to those around us almost prematurely, but others think its part of the grand master plan all along. All that I really know is that I can be pretty sure in a past life, I lead many of hundreds to their deaths earlier than intended, I see them every night and wish I could just ignore the guilt and pain it puts me through.

The dreams, or as some people call them nightmares, started up as soon as I entered elementary school, that had to be at least two decades ago. They all started the same, giants would come towards us, devouring the people around me, all looking at me to save them, but I had no idea how, but my body would react, slicing into the giants and killing them. Anger and regret would bubble through me as I looked down on the battle ground, looking at the wounded and dying soldiers. They would reach out to me, looking for some kind of comfort, as I held their hand, their eyes would darken and dull out as the light of life being extinguished. I would wake up screaming and crying in frustration, pain, and regret. My parents would come running to comfort me and tell me it was all a dream. They did that for four years, and then I met Erwin.  
Erwin seemed like a decent guy, but I knew he was only interested in my dreams and how to get rid of them so he could make a quick buck. I was nine, but I was not stupid. He would constantly ask me the same questions, expecting me to answer differently, but that never happened. 

“So what was it this time?” The blonde would pull out his white not pad, resting it on his knees, angling his pen to where he could start jotting down notes if needed to at a moment’s notice. I glanced up, “I see soldiers dying in my arms. It’s the same thing every time, Erwin.” He sighs softly, “I know that, Levi. But we need to get more details than that to see what the trigger to all of this is. If you can’t open up, then this isn’t going to work, kid.” I looked off to the side and just shrugged, “This is never going to work, because I can never remember any more than that.” He just clicked his pen and checked his watch. “I’ll go get your parents then.” He would leave; I’d hear the same rant from my folks as always. 

“What do you mean you haven’t found anything yet? What kind of shrink are you? He’s been with you now for four years.” That was usually the thing my mother would say and my father would just go on about the costs of having me to go see him, just to waste time, and not find out anything. It was not my fault for not remembering a damn thing. Six more years of that torture and I flew the coup, and never looked back. I do remember not having the nightmares as often as I did as a child, well that all changed when I entered college.

I entered in the art program, as I’ve always loved to try to sketch out what I remembered from the dreams, to try and grasp some understanding of what was happening behind my closed eyes. As soon as I walked into my first drawing class, I was hit in the face with Caribbean eyes. The boy looked a lot like one of the soldiers I had seen in my dream, but I let it slide. Once classes were finished and I got back to my apartment, the night terrors had once again come back, but this time, with a vengeance.


	2. Dream or Reality?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I want to be more than a burden. I want to fight. Let me turn now, Levi!” I stop all thought process as I turn towards the cadet who dared to call me by my first name only. I was his god damned commanding officer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o sorry, this is another short one, but it makes it a tad bit easier getting thoughts together and as soon as I get this rolling, I promise the chapters will get longer.
> 
> I also plan on updating every other day if not every day due to the fact I have typed up the next 5 chapters in two days. 
> 
> Anywho, enjoy~

_“Captain Levi!” A scream was echoing out, as steam bellowed across the fields, making visibility zero to none. The loud thuds and ground shaking was diminishing as screams were being silenced and calls to other soldiers were becoming louder. “Heichou!” my gaze was starting to become clearer as I looked around to meet Caribbean eyes. ‘Eren’_

_I turn to look to my left as I see four of those giants coming towards the two of us. He moves his hand up to his mouth; I grab his arm and attach the claws to the nearest tree, trying to at least gain some kind of ground against these beasts. More screams of agony are replaced in the wake of the smoke from the 3DMS._

_“Don’t do anything reckless, brat!” I call over the thuds, trying to get his attention. He just stares at his hand. “I want to help…” He mumbles slightly. “Then don’t be stupid.” I turn towards the giants that are coming, two 8 meter ones and two 10 meter ones. A sigh escapes my lips as I prepare the hunt that is forming right before my stormy grey eyes._

_“I want to be more than a burden. I want to fight. Let me turn now, Levi!” I stop all thought process as I turn towards the cadet who dared to call me by my first name only. I was his god damned commanding officer. His face was going to have a nice imprint of my boot if he did not watch himself, but as I looked up into those eyes, my anger went away. Determination, anger, remorse, and lust filled those orbs. I knew he had an objective and a reason to fight, but I really didn’t need this brat causing a hell of a lot more trouble._

_“Eren, you will only be able to turn if you obey my commands, exactly.” The words were coming out of my mouth without any real thought. The kid brought his hand up to his mouth as he smirked. “Yes sir, Corporal.” He jumped off the tree limb, biting through the skin and that’s when the steam started. A flash of lightning and a roar filled the air as thuds came to a halt. That’s when I saw two bright eyes staring right at me. A hand reached out to me as I took in the sight. ‘This boy, he became like the others. How is that possible? Why am I going with him? Why is this brat so damn special?’ All of my thoughts came to an end as I felt red and steam cover my vision and my body. Sensory overload occurred as I saw the titans get shredded. Blood, flesh, and steam bellowed out of the masses as the roars beside me cried out, attracting the one that remained. All the while my body stood still like a statue, even though I wanted to move. ‘I’m being held hostage in my own body… Is this even me? Is this real?’_

“Levi!” A loud banging on the door suggested that someone was at my bedroom door as a groan was let out of my mouth. I turned towards the clock, ’10:30 am’. “Oh come on Levi.” I glared at the door. “What the hell do you want? It’s fucking Saturday Hanji!” A slight giggle told me they weren’t going away anytime soon. “Did you forget the underclassmen and upperclassmen picnic? It’s required by the sophomore class silly.” ‘Yay, more shitty brats to deal with…’ “Tch. I’ll be out in 30 minutes. Let me shower and shit.” Another giggle and the message was received, with a quick “Yes, Heichou”. I look back at my pillow. ‘Heichou? Where the hell did that come from?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you call think?   
> Let me know! Comments will help me figure out if I'm doing something right or wrong.   
> Thanks for the kudos though!


	3. Meeting The Little Shits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Hanji get there freshmen buddies and Levi curses the higher power...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was such a fun chapter to write~ I hope you enjoy it!

The excessive chatter that filled the room was driving me up the fucking walls as the person next to me thought it was a good idea to keep me indulged with conversation. It was one thing that I was sleeping peacefully in my room in my quiet apartment and then dragged to something that I was content with never having to attend but then to try to tempt fate and thin out my already thinning patience with chatter that was something only an idiot would attempt to do.  
“Oi, lighten up Levi. It’s only the morning and you already look like you are going to kill someone.” Hanji snorted with enthusiasm. I have no idea how someone could be so damn happy this early in the morning. “Do I have to remind you, that the first person I might kill would be you, shitty glasses?” I pinched the bridge of my nose as another snicker emitted from her mouth. “You keep saying that, but here I am.” I sighed in annoyance.  
This was one of the few people who had earned the title ‘Friend’ in my book, but it does not go without notice. She is one of the few people who deem me as ‘normal’ in her own little fucked up way. I mean if you can count being excited about everything, especially about these strange dreams I’ve been having. If I thought it was bad having them happen to me, having her pick a part my brain with every damn on that I have, it is torture and annoys the ever living hell out of me.  
There was a scrawny man walking up to the front of the room, holding a clip board, trying to gain the room’s attention and failing miserably. “Excuse me, quiet down.” He mumbled out soft. I glared down at this pathetic excuse and sighed. “Hanji, who the hell is that?” I got back a giggle as answer until they caught my glare and the chuckle caught in their throat. “You’ve been here for a year and still don’t know who our class rep is? That’s so you, Levi.” She cackled loudly now. I just glared at her, thoroughly not amused. She just sighed as her laughter had quieted down. “His name is Shiro. All I know is that he’s a hard worker and no one really wanted the position, so he’s been it. He’s nice, but too shy for his own good.” I just shrugged as she went one about the man who had given up after another small feeble attempt at quieting everyone. He was just pathetic to put it bluntly.  
“Everyone, will you all just shut the fuck up!” I felt the words leave my lips before I realized I was quivering with anger and annoyance. All of the chatter seized immediately and I felt everyone look at me and then I glanced over to the class rep and he nodded his thanks to me before going over what we were all here for. I sat back down in my seat and only noticed the wide grin from Hanji before putting a finger to my lips, just to make sure she would not say something that would end having my foot stepping on her glasses, again.  
“Good morning everyone. As you know, we have a new group of underclassmen coming to our university and as the sophomore class, it is our duty to show them around and guide them like our upperclassmen have before us. Each sophomore will be assigned a freshman to be a tutor and guide. Now then, without further ado, I present the freshmen class.” He beamed slightly, as he opened the door and that’s when my eyes meet Caribbean eyes. Hanji was chuckling to herself until she caught my gaze and followed it to a chestnut haired boy. “Find something you like Levi?” She asked in a hushed voice. I just scoffed, “Just different colored eyes. That’s all.” “Whatever, Mr. Sassy pants. I’ll go get our assignments then.” I just closed my eyes and waved her off.  
A few minutes later I could feel eyes on me. I opened my eyes and stormy steel met bright green. “Hello. My name is Eren Jaeger and I guess I’m going to be your assigned freshman.” He closed his eyes in a nervous habit and gave a small smile. I swear to god that I could feel the chuckle just waiting to come out of Hanji as I sent a glare her way. If there was a god, he was thoroughly enjoying the creation called Hanji that he had sent into my life to fuck around with me. I’m pretty sure the bastard is sitting smug up on his throne just thinking of how else my life could get slightly more insane with each passing moment. I just sighed and grumbled out a reply that probably would have sent the devil himself crying from the coldness of my tone. “I’m Levi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I'm getting the plot together and I hope to keep with the daily updates till my muse is gone again~ I hope you all enjoy this as much as I do writing in Levi's POV~


	4. Stupidity and lack of Caffiene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I looked between the three of them and I had had enough of this chipper happy bullshit. I needed coffee and I could feel the caffeine withdrawals kicking in like a crack addict without crack for a month. God, I needed the damn stuff to put up with this shit._

“Levi!” A loud obnoxious tone came from behind me. She slung her arm around my neck as she continued her sentence. “You need to be nicer to your freshmen. Don’t want to scare him off.” She gave the brunette and wink as he stood there, dumbfounded. I was really going to be in for it with this one. “What the hell do you want now, Shiyty Glasses?” The coldness in my tone never wavering for a second. I was slowly but surely losing my patience, maybe it was due to the fact that not a single damn drop of caffeinated soaked coffee had passed my lips. That must have been it.  
“Oi, don’t use that foul language against, Hanji. It’s not polite.” A small voice popped up from behind the crazed woman. Who the fuck just said that to me? I clenched my fist and just glared at her shoulder. She turned towards the voice, “It’s okay. He’s just a little bit grumpy. Not a morning person.” She chuckled softly, turning back to me. “This is my freshmen buddy. Armin Arlet.” She moved and that’s when I caught a glimpse at the one who dared to tell me what to do. Bright blue eyes looked up at me, as golden hair fell right at his shoulders. I swear to you right now, the boy looked more like a cute girl than a college freshmen boy.  
I sighed, “I’m Levi.” He nodded and I looked up to my brat. He just grinned. “Armin! You have Levi’s friend? That’s awesome! We can totally hang out together.” He mused and I just sighed, rolling my eyes again. I did not want to have to go through that. I already dealt with Hanji enough as it is, but now that this brat thinks it’s okay to mess with the balance of my sanity, it was really trying my thinned patience.  
“I think that’s a great idea, um…” Hanji expressed enthusiasm dripping from her lips with some slight confusing for not knowing the brat’s name. “My name is Eren, Eren Jaeger.” He just gave her a warm smile. I looked between the three of them and I had had enough of this chipper happy bullshit. I needed coffee and I could feel the caffeine withdrawals kicking in like a crack addict without crack for a month. God, I needed the damn stuff to put up with this shit. “We can have the study sessions in my dorm room. I have no room mates and I love to have company over.” She squealed.  
“Oh. Hell. No!” I glared at her and just shuddered at having to be anywhere near her room. “You are the messiest person I have ever known. I will not go into that environment. We can have them somewhere else.” Hanji smiled. “Alright, that settles it. It’s going to be at your room then!” I literally have no recollection of what just happened, but all I know is that when the world came to, I had a major headache, Hanji cackled in my ear, and two concerned freshmen look at me.  
“Are you okay, Levi?” My brat asked me. I just looked up at the cackling woman in front of me. “Oi, just shut it already. I definitely can’t deal with this anymore.” I got up from my seat and started walking out the door. “Levi! Where are you going?” Eren called out to me. “Getting some sanity in a cup. I haven’t had any god damn caffeine yet and I need it.” I kept walking as I hear the three follow behind me, making small talk. I think back to my dreams, even though I haven’t had them in a few days, that boy, Armin, reminds me of one the soldiers. I am so overcome by my thoughts that I don’t notice the boy next to me. He just smiles and looks over to me and says the words that I could not believe I heard.

“I’m glad we got to meet, Heichou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in a long time, so please do not hate me. My computer has been a royal pain in the butt. It kept on not saving my work and then I had to start all over. I think this is the 6th time I have done this chapter. I will be doing weekly updates, starting every Friday~
> 
> So Armin knows who he is... as well as Hanji, but what about Eren???


	5. Squad Leader Hanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi reflects, has a dream, and Hanji talks to him a bit.

“I’m glad I met you, Heichou.” Those words seemed to stick with me even after Hanji and I left the brats. Heichou. Not only did the blonde call me that, Hanji did too. “Heichou.” I let the word roll off my tongue and a wave of nausea hit me as the beginnings of a headache began to fester.   
The last time I had a headache was when I would go see Erwin. Whenever we would talk about those dreams or any of the triggers that would cause my mind to “take a blast to the past”, as Erwin would call it, I would have this wave of nausea hit me like a barreling semi.   
I let out an exasperated sigh. I’m guessing this was to do with these damn dreams. What did Heichou mean again? “Captain.” The word was nothing more than just a whisper across my lips and another wave hit me, making me cringe and groan in frustration. I needed to know what the hell was going on. I suppose I should go talk to Hanji about this since she finds it so damn interesting and maybe she’ll be able to make heads or tails of the whole ordeal.   
All I can really do now is lie down on the bed and focus on the pitch black darkness slowly taking me. This bed feels so damn comfy and sleep would offer a nice solace from all of the thoughts running through my head. I’ll send a message to Hanji after a quick cat nap. “Everything will be good.” I mumbled before drifting off into a bitter reality.

_“Heichou! Captain Levi!” I could hear people shouting at me. Using my name, but this place, I knew it was ‘his’ world, not mine. My head turned, catching glimpse of a blonde running towards me. The kid was panting and seemed a little ragged as they came closer._  
“Arlet? What is it?” I heard the words form and slip from my lips. Concern and tiredness was well evident in the tone I used. This is not me, I am not the one talking or committing these actions. I’m trapped in this body. I am nothing more than a shadow in the background watching a scene play out in a movie.   
“It’s Eren!” The blonde looked up, blue eyes met grey. I knew this boy. I could just almost place his name on the tip of my tongue. What the fuck was his name? This “Heichou” stiffened as soon as the name ‘Eren’ was heard. It immediately reminded me of my brunette. My brunette? He’s a brat and not mine. I could feel the protectiveness radiate and consume my being, coming from this dream me. Wait, is this me? Am I Heichou? How the hell?  
“Armin, tell me what the hell happened?” Anger, raw blunt anger, that was what those words were dripping in. I could see the blonde grimacing almost wishing not to stand before this man, before me. Armin? That’s the little blonde’s name? This is getting too fucking weird for me. 

“LEVI!!!!!! Wake the hell up right now!” There was pounding on the door as sleep had been taken from me. A low groan escaped my mouth. “What the fuck do you want Hanji?” I got up to let her in. She immediately pounced on me, looking me over for something. “What the hell?” She just looked up at me, “You were calling out to Armin and I got worried.” I looked at her confused and fucking hell, I was too damn tired for this shit.   
“I was doing what?” She looked down, “You were calling out for cadet Arlet. The last time you did this was when you were having those dreams again.” I sighed and just rubbed the back of my neck. “Fuck I did not want to do this right now, Hanji” She just nodded. “I know. I know. But we need to talk, Corporal."  
I stiffened. Only one person knew about that name. How the fuck did she know? She just smiled and gave me a knowing look. “Squad Leader, Hanji, reporting in, Lance Corporal Levi.” Fuck me to hell…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter. The next one will have more background and will be over 2,000 words. This one is just building up to the next chapter... The talk~


	6. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _‘Swing low, sweet chariot_   
>  _Comin' for to carry me home_   
>  _Swing low, sweet chariot_   
>  _Comin' for to carry me home’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you all know, this is going to be a long chapter and it does go into some detail as to why Levi can't remember his past life. Hanji and Levi have a moment of cuteness as well. They are only friends in this fic~
> 
> Please enjoy~

I managed to get out of bed, make a cup of coffee, and sit my ass down before Hanji decided to start the interrogation of my dreams and start helping me make sense of everything. I took a sip of the hot liquid, gliding down my throat; I could start to feel the grogginess leave my body. Mornings were not my best friend, especially ones where it involves this lunatic banging at my door and saying random ass shit.  


“So what the hell was that?” I manage to break the silence that had oddly settled between us. I took another sip, glancing toward her direction as it seemed she was contemplating what to say, a serious look fell on her face as her demeanor turned darker. “Are you sure you want to know, Levi?” I just sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, “Why else would I have gotten out of bed at 5 a.m. after you basically woke me from my slumber, just to pull this “Squad Leader Hanji” bullshit?”  


She sighed, closing her eyes, bringing her hands together, a slight smirk playing on her lips. “I suppose that would answer that question.” She opened her eyes, staring right at me, making me grip my cup a little tighter. The look in her eyes made me rethink her constant joking personality and wonder who the hell this was that was calling them my crazy friend. I will never fully understand how she can go from one end of the spectrum to full out seriousness as she had just now.  


“Where would you like me to begin?” Her voice sounded steady, but her eyes held back some of her reservations that she had when I first agreed to this talk. I sighed, taking another drink of the coffee before answering her. I had so many questions, but my mind could not form a single thought through the fog I was still in. One popped into my head and it was the greatest one that has managed to squeeze its way through the fog. “Just start at the beginning.”  


She nodded slightly, looking down at her hands. “Well before I get into it all, I want to know what you already know. What those dreams have shown you, that is.” I just sighed, placing the mug up to my lips, the fog lifting enough to remember the name both that little blonde and Hanji had called me before as the liquid slides down my throat.  


“Well for starters, I want to know why you and the little mushroom called me…” The word was stuck at the end of my tongue, refusing to move. My mouth became numb as if I had just hit a nerve that paralyzed my speech. Hanji leaned forward, “What was it that we called you?” I gritted my teeth as I tried to force out that word. That name. The one that had caused me to feel sick at the mention of it.  


_‘Heichou.’_  


As the thought of the word came through my mind, nausea was building up in my stomach. I clenched the bridge of my nose as another headache was rearing its head. Why in the hell could I not say or think the word now? Why was this happening to me? My body trembled due to my rage as Hanji continued to stare at me, intrigued.  


“Interesting,” she muttered out, as I managed to get myself under control again. “What?” I picked up my mug, slightly shaking as I brought it to my lips, hoping the caffeine would help dull the pain in my head. “You can’t say the word ‘Heichou’ without reacting to it. Almost as if your body is rejecting it like it’s some kind of trigger.” I just glanced over at her with an indifferent look. “That still really doesn’t explain all that much, Shitty Glasses.” She just giggled and smiled at me, she was starting to get back to her normal self, thank god. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? I am never going to get through this with her when she is ‘normal’ or as ‘normal’ as she can be.  


“Well, it’s basically blocking some sort of traumatic experience from your subconscious, kinda like a child trying to play dumb when asked what happened to the cookies when the cookie jar is empty, always avoiding the memory by deflecting the attention onto something else. Basically, your mind does not want you to remember.”  


She nodded affirmatively at me when she spoke. I quietly took this in, trying to get her words to sink in, but for some reason, the fog would not let go. I nodded either way, but I could feel the frown start to deepen into my face as she stared at me, assuming I’d have some response. “Why?” I muttered this is just a whisper, as I could not see the reasoning behind this madness.  


She closed her eyes and sighed, “Who knows really? Maybe the ‘Corporal’ wanted it this way so that the memories from the past could not be revealed so easily. I’m pretty sure no one really wants to remember those days.” She turned to the side while she spoke, draping her fingers across the table, as if caught in a memory. I sighed. “Who the hell is the ‘Corporal’? Who the hell is…” Another wave hit me, causing me to fall to the ground, practically making my lovely coffee to come back up, hitting the floors. Why in the hell is this happening? Why won’t my body just let me fucking know?  


Hanji immediately rushed over to my side and patted my back, trying to soothe me. I was shaking so bad; my stomach wanting to crawl out through my throat. The bitterness never leaving my mouth as the gagging continued till the dull throb of a headache was rearing its ugly face. I was trying to gather my thoughts. I wanted these damn answers. Why the fuck wasn’t I getting them? All my life I wanted these damn dreams to be explained. The one fucking time I get a chance for some fucking answers, this shit has to happen. God fucking damn it!  


I didn’t even realize that the tears had started to fall till Hanji started to hush me by pulling me into her arms, rocking back and forth, like soothing a baby. I held onto her for dear life as the pain hit me like a bullet through the head. I felt like I was falling apart and there was nothing I could do. Tears just kept running down the side of my face as the frustration, anger, and pain was flowing through me. This feeling felt like it was never going to end until I heard a soft muttering of words.  


_‘Swing low, sweet chariot_  
 _Comin' for to carry me home_  
 _Swing low, sweet chariot_  
 _Comin' for to carry me home’_  


I sat there, closing my eyes, starting to rock with her, giving into the sweet temptation of relaxing. I wanted this pain in my head to stop and for the tears to stop, but with every syllable softly sung, another pain hit my head. Was this another damn trigger?

_‘If you get to heaven before I do_  
 _Comin' for to carry me home_  
 _Tell all my friends I'm comin' there too_  
 _Comin' for to carry me home’_  


Nausea hit me next, but I clenched my hands, digging my nails into her shoulders. I was pretty sure she was going to be having some marks there for a while, but she never did give any indication that it hurt, nor did it slow her singing. The bile was building up in the back of my throat and I couldn’t understand why this song was causing me so much pain.  


_‘Swing low, sweet chariot_  
 _Comin' for to carry me home_  
 _Swing low, sweet chariot_  
 _Comin' for to carry me home’_  


Tears were rolling down my face as I soon put the pieces together. I couldn’t hear the song or attempt to say the lyrics because it was related to ‘Him’ and I wasn’t allowed to know about that part of my past. Trying to recapture what she was singing and trying to figure all of this out was wearing my body out. I could feel the grogginess take over. My eyes were slowly but surely letting gravity close them and make the darkness an inviting solace from the pain.  


_“I’m sorry, Levi. “ A squeak was ushered before the room. “We couldn’t save them all.” A man, covered in mud, blood, and sweat stepped forward. Black hair matted and clumped from the dried blood left for some time, steel eyes swept the room before falling on a corpses, and a grimace to match the others standing next to him._   


_“Where is Eren?” The tone was cold, harsh, felt like steel as the words left pale lips._  


_“We haven’t been able to locate the titan shifter yet. We are still looking though, Heichou.” A blonde stepped out, blue eyes meeting steel. A slight nod was ushered and the man continued toward the camp. Tears were slowly falling down his cheeks as the frustration, anger, and pain of losing so many comrades was crumbling his walls. That was when he heard the soft humming coming from his tent._  


“What the hell was that Shitty Glasses?” The annoyed tone was slowly diminishing as focus came back to me. She just sighed, an amused grin on her face when she pulled back to look at me. “It was a lullaby that we would all sing in remembrance to those who had fallen. It would help us cope with the losses and remember that they were in a better place.” I just nodded slightly, taking in her words as I was slowly waking up from my moment of lapse of consciousness.  


She sighed softly, “I don’t want you to continue this, if it’s going to cause you to be like this, even if it’s extremely interesting. You are my friend and I hate seeing the strong man I know look so cute and pathetic.” I just stared at her, drained from everything but also fed up with myself. I reached out for her, just wanting some sort of comfort. I knew deep down that this was going to cause some sort of discomfort as it had when I had went to see Erwin. I never imagined something like this though. How fucked up was I in the end? How was I ever going to know the truth about my past life? Never? Never seemed like what was going to happen.  


“Levi? Hanji?” A small voice popped out behind the dorm door. Looking up, grey eyes meeting blue. “Cadet Arlet?”  


The name escaped my lips as the pain surged through me again. Hanji looked up at the blonde and then grimaced at the sight of my body not wanting to remember. No, it wasn’t my body. It was Him causing all of this. The ‘Corporal’ who was in my dreams was also commanding my subconscious and it was really starting to piss me off. As the wave continued its course, Hanji rubbing my back, the darkness slowly returning.  


“It’s okay Armin. He’s starting to remember, but at a cost. I think it’s doing a number on him and we should just give him some space…” I could barely make out what else they were discussing as the darkness fell over me again as visions of red and screams started to fill my senses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hoped you liked the update. I am going to be slow on the updates due to the fact that Motaku just happened for me and we are preparing to work on our other cosplay for the japan festival~ Yay for making Naruto, SNK, and Dramatical Murder cosplays~ 
> 
> If you like to be buddies you can find me here on DeviantArt: http://demikaivisions.deviantart.com/


	7. The Corporal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets with the 'Corporal' and he has a little talk with him. Maybe some answers will be reveled~

The clicking of heals hitting the ground filled my ears as the grogginess of sleepy seemed to dissipate and reveal a room. The room was filled with the basic essentials for a place to sleep; a bed, desk, dresser, bathroom, and a window. It was pretty nice, but as I peered through the room, the clicking got louder till I was certain that it was right outside the door. A quick fumbling with the lock and the door swung open to reveal a man dressed in the same uniform that I saw everyone in my dreams wear. Only this one seemed different.

Brown leather jacket with the wing patches, the leather straps on the legs and chest, brown boots, white pants, white shirt… white cravat… Cravat? That was what I usually wore in my dreams. It was what ‘He’ wore. Looking closely at the figure, as he closed the door and locked it, I noticed the undercut hair cut that matched mine. His stature was much like mine, small but strong. I couldn’t believe my eyes when he turned around, grey met grey. He looked just like me. Was he really me? Was this the ‘Corporal’ that Hanji kept mentioning? I never really noticed this before since I never saw my reflection in any of my dreams.   
He looked directly at me and sighed loosening his cravat and placing his jacket on the desk chair, “I knew this was going to happen.” I just stared at him, a glare present on my face. What the hell did he mean by that? I mean am I really going to be talking to myself in this dream. He took a seat in the chair and faced me. “So did Hanji open that big mouth of her’s?” I felt my eyes widen slightly as I remember what transpired before I passed out cold from the pain in my head. 

He sighed one more time, after not getting anything out of me. “Levi Ackerman.” He glared at me as his voice was filled the room, anger was laced in the words. I just nodded at him, giving him some sort of acknowledgement. “Do you know who I am?” I just looked at him, completely done with being treated like a three year old by this man who looks exactly fucking like me. “You are me, right?” I replied, lacing my tone with the annoyance I felt. He just smirked. I was already not liking this man in front of me.

I sighed, rubbing the back of my head, attempting to relax a bit and get rid of the nerves I was facing trying to understand everything that had taken place beforehand. “Are you going to talk or no? I haven’t got all day playing games with my imagination.” I look at him as the last word slipped through my lips, my annoyance pushing into my eyes. I could tell he wasn’t surprised by my words, I mean if he was me, he should know how I would react. I could only imagine me scoffing at me and treating me like a brat and telling me that I knew nothing at all. If I held the cards, the knowledge that I desperately craved, I would do the same thing. 

He just smirked at my comment. “You don’t have time to be playing games with your imagination? You honestly think I am an item that your shitty little brain cooked up?” I just stared at him; the annoyance was building up in me. The frustrating that I was feeling was definitely not something I needed when dealing with someone as coy as he was being. “Tch. If you aren’t my imagination, then who the fuck are you?” Once again, he smirked at me, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was enjoying this mind game he was playing. “It’s simple. I am you.” I took his words in trying to get what he was saying. I mean I knew he was the one I usually was in my dreams and who Hanji was trying to tell me about or at the very least, trying to get me to remember, but beyond that I hadn’t really given it much thought. 

So if what he was saying is true, then does that mean that I was the ‘Corporal’ as a past life or did I just dream all of this up and I’m actually still back on bed dreading for the 1st day to begin? I know I’m not that dense but shit happens when you move everything into a dorm room and begin the 2nd year of college after a long ass summer of sleeping in and partying. Fuck this. I am tired of being the one without any answers. I am so sick of everyone jumping around trying to get me to think. I have only had one damn cup of coffee and this shit is not making it any fucking better. 

During my little internal rant, he looked at me, his smirk growing bigger as the gears where turning in mine. Only his words broke what little control I had over my anger. “Do you get it now?” I just turned my full attention to the man. Was he fucking kidding me? What is it with everyone in my life always assuming I was able to follow what it was they were saying? The ‘Corporal’ turned out to be no exception. I got out of the bed and trudged over to him. Reaching out my hand I grab his shirt and pulled him in closer. “Yeah I fucking get it alright. I want answers and no one is trying to give them to me. You must not be me since I would not fucking do this to myself.” The smirk fell from his face and instead his face remained blank, anger radiating in his eyes. 

“Do you honestly think this is a game? I’m trying to get you to understand the fucking basics before you dive head first into some fucked up shit I know you aren’t ready for. None of us were ready for it. I’m trying to protect you, myself, from those painful memories of the past that no one should have to live through again.” He gripped my hand and shoved me back, falling hard on my ass when he was done. A frown settled upon my features. “Protect me from what exactly?” He just sighed, getting up from his chair and fixing his shirt. “Well if you would stop acting like a little shit, then I’ll show you.” I just nodded and got up, standing close to him. “But I must warn you, you are not going to be the same after I show you.” I just shrugged. “How bad can it be?” He just turned and gave me the most emotionless expression I have ever seen on a person. “What I’m going to show you is something that no one else knows about. What really caused our death and the one that I considered to be close to me… to us…” 

He turned away from me, heading to the door. Who could have been a special person for the ‘Corporal’ to have been upset enough to deny me my past memories? What could have possibly been so bad that I wouldn’t have wanted nor deemed the right to have seen my memories up to this point? At that moment all I could see was the brat’s face cloud my vision. 

“Eren Jaeger”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think is going to happen? Should I make it a two parter or just one big chapter?


	8. Hanji and Armin (Interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji and Armin discuss the events that happened prior to Armin's arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not updating in a while, but Life got the better of me. Car problems, work, and other crap got in the way, also I lost my inspiration for this story, but now I know where this is going and I promise to be better at posting~

“Levi? Hanji?” A small voice popped out behind the dorm door. Looking up, grey eyes meeting blue. “Cadet Arlet?”

The name hung in the air as I felt Levi begin to react to the sudden recognition of his past life, body trembling in my arms, as his muscles began to tighten and then release. I knew he would not be conscious for very long. I turned my attention to the blonde who was just standing there, wide eyed, since I knew what was going through his mind I called out to him. 

“It’s okay Armin. He’s starting to remember, but at a cost. I think it’s doing a number on him and we should just give him some space.” The blonde just nodded and smiled looking over at me. “Is he okay?” He managed to squeak out through his shock. I just nodded and smiled down at the heap in my arms.   
Levi always looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Not many people got the chance to see it back then, but this was the only time that he could actually relax and seem a lot younger than he was. The constant scowl line would vanish and he would look like he was in his twenties again. I chuckled slightly and then lifted him up to take him back to his bed. 

Armin came in and started to clean up the mess that was left on the floor as I was coming back into the room. I sighed as I was taking in everything that had happened to Levi and how I was going to try to explain it to Armin. I knew that he was able to catch on really quickly in the past, but I did not know if he was still able to. I honestly hoped that he would be able to since I needed someone to talk to about this whole turn of events with Levi.

“Hanji?” Armin looked up at me, curiosity and caution filled those blue eyes. “Yes?” I just smiled at him softly, trying to make this situation a little more comforting due to the fact of him walking into a cuddle fest between really close friends might have scarred him as well as being called something that he probably has not heard in hundreds of years. “So Levi remembers? Heichou?” Hope was definitely resonating within those orbs as the question passed his lips. I sighed, trying to figure out the best way to put it without going completely overboard as I was known to do. This was a delicate situation and it needed to be addressed seriously. 

“How do I put this?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, the seriousness of the situation was starting to hit me like a rock. Opening them revealed my serious side of my crazed nature, gesturing to the table that I had been at before the whole incident with Levi began. “You are going to need to take a seat before we get into it.” He nodded slightly and took a seat; concern and confusion swept across his features for a second before settling on the look he would get before discussing battle strategies in the past. I took my seat and cleared my throat, placing my elbows on the wooden table, folding my hands, trying to find the words to convey what exactly happened while trying to make some sort of sense.

“Well, he is starting to remember, but at a price.” I started, hoping he would take it to heart. The blue orbs showed some surprise there. “What kind of price? No, wait. I think I will get a better handle on things if you try to start from the beginning here, Squad Leader.” I smirked at his comment of my old title. “Well then, seems like I can’t really get anything past you without some sort of background explanation, as always. So Levi has always had these “Nightmares” that were images of the past that seeped from his subconscious that is trying to prevent these memories from returning. Whenever he wakes up, retains some but not all of what happened. He went to therapy for it, but that didn’t help him at all. He started getting them frequently right before you all showed up and I got worried and tried talking to him about it.” I managed to say before he held up his hand. “I got it Hanji. I need to know what happened just now. He called me Cadet. Cadet Arlet. Just like the Corporal used to whenever addressing us. Is he back?” 

I sighed, pulling off my glasses and smiling softly. “Always quick to the punch line. Fine then, he does not remember completely. Hell I’m not even sure he’s going to be able to. His body is rejecting everything that could trigger any memories occurring when he’s not asleep, almost as if his subconscious is blocking that part of his life out.” He nodded, “Exactly like how people block out traumatic experiences and not having any memory of them, because they…” He stopped mid-thought and banged his fist on the table, anger and pain filled the blue orbs before the information completely caught up with him. I could see the gears turning and the need to finish his thought was almost unnerving. 

“They don’t want to remember. The corporal we once knew does not want to remember due to the fact it was too painful. I can honestly say, I have never seen anything like this out of Levi since he was always the one to just keep going and not regret anything.” “The choices we would make were ours and no one had control over them and we got to make the calls back then.” The words slipping from his mouth as if the information was finally starting to make sense, but before we were able to continue our little talk, a knock came at the door. 

Opening the door, revealed no one but Eren Jaeger…

“Eren Jaeger…”


	9. Author's Note~

Hey guys, I thought I should let you all know that this story is going to be majorly re-vamped. I have started to hate how the flow of the story is and how dicey it's become. When I started I didn't really have a clear plot, so before I continue this fic, I'm going to be editing the older chapters and add a lot more details that were severely missed. I hope you all understand and I hope to get everything done by November. I'm sorry if everyone thought this was an update, but I figured I should let you all know what is going on instead of thinking this was a dead fic. I plan on continuing it after the major face lift. 

 

Once again,   
Your's truly~ 

DemiKai~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and if you would like to help give input for some of the editing, do not be afraid to let me know. Every little bit helps~ 
> 
> You can either comment or email me at chaoticmomentscosplay@gmail.com
> 
> Thanks again guys~

**Author's Note:**

> So, how was it? Comments are greatly appreciated to see how well or poor this thing is. 
> 
> I just love writing in Levi's POV!
> 
> Oh and if you wanna talk to me else where: http://demikaivisions.deviantart.com/


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